i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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