so explain again why im purple
no
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
