I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
