I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Randomize
