Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
