Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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