Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
