So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
