guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
