they need to just BURY HIM!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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