Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
