But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
