brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
