he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
