i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize