Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
