I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
