I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
