I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
