I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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