I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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