fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
