You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
