he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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