But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
