Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
