so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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