If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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