I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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