shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
