Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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