Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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