If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
