already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
