Screwed.edu
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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