Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He shit in the fireplace
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
