don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
