does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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