loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize