it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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