There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
