Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
