I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
