I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
