DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize