she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
