we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
