my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
COCAINE IS GR8
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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