my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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