I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
