i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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