oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
