y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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