It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
