He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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