The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
