i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
