the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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