I cannot find my penis.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize