so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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