shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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