Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize