I'm so fucking centered right now
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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