Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize