The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Success! We fucked roommates!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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