Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
