I puked a lego.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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