i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
