And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize