I skipped work to stalk him.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
