i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
