One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
