Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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