i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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